by Margarita Tartakovsky
“Stress is part of every parent’s life. But the experience of managing stress for parents who have a child on the autism spectrum is more frequent and more enduring than that of many other parents, “says Sandra L. Harris, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus and founder of the Douglass Developmental Disabilities Center at Rutgers University, whose research focuses on individuals with autism and their families. Stress can be precipitated by “such events as learning about their child’s diagnosis, seeking services, learning how to negotiate with service providers, and balancing the needs of the child on the spectrum with those of the rest of the family,” Harris says. Taking care of yourself is just as vital as taking care of your child. As a happy and healthy person, you can be a better parent.
a calm soothing ocean scene, relaxed and restful
An Affirmation a Day Keeps the Doctor Away.
Lori Lite, Certified Children’s Meditation Facilitator and author of children’s books recounts her own overwhelming stress with raising a child with special needs, “I personally became extremely stressed out to the point of being sick. I experienced insomnia, extreme weight loss, and gastritis attacks.” She recalls regularly being in anxiety and fear mode. After she saw a stress consultant and learned basic stress management techniques, like muscular relaxation, affirmations, visualization, and breathing, Lite instantly began feeling better. For her, affirmations – positive statements or self talk – like “I have done everything I can do for today,”
“I am a good parent,” and “I trust myself” are valuable. The key is to counteract any negative self talk. Honesty and Acceptance “Be honest with yourself about how difficult it may be to raise a child with an autistic spectrum disorder,” says Robert Naseef, Ph.D., a psychologist with his own practice in Philadelphia and author of Special Children, Challenged Parents: The Struggles and Rewards of Parenting a Child With a Disability. In that regard, identifying and releasing your emotions can be liberating. Naseef explains, “often people are relieved when I help them understand the emotions they’re experiencing are normal in the situation.” In his essay, The Path of Acceptance for Families, Naseef writes, “accepting our pain and ourselves leads to accepting and enjoying our child and our family life.” Exercise Away the Stress
Daily exercise – a brisk thirty minute walk or practicing yoga- can have lasting benefits, like reducing the risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, and heart disease. Exercise also stimulates the production of various neurotransmitters that help reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression. Therapeutic Value in Groups and Alone Time
Support groups can serve as an encouraging and helpful resource. According to Harris, “in addition to the problem solving and emotional support one receives, there is also the opportunity to develop new friendships with other families who understand the demands and who can provide mutual support.” “That support can range from a caring phone call to going on an outing together where two or three families will enjoy themselves far more with their children in a group rather than being alone with their child,”
she says. Overall, “stress is contagious. As one person gets stressed out in the household, it’s like a tornado, and others’ stress levels start going up and up,” Lite says. So, take care of yourself by using whatever techniques are most helpful for you. Lite adds, “Calmness is also contagious, and you can actually see the ripple of calmness going through families.”
For more information on these experts, visit their websites:
– Dr. Sandra L. Harris
– Lori Lite: Stress Free Kids
– Dr. Robert Naseef