Note to Readers: I wrote bedtime stories with relaxation techniques to help my own children sleep peacefully. My own daughter struggled with stress related night terrors. I can still feel the pain of being jolted out of a deep sleep by my child’s scream in the middle of the night. My husband and I would leap out of bed to find her running through the house in a state of complete unawareness. Thank goodness we had young, strong hearts! A big thank you to John, aka The DaddyYoDude for shedding some light on this subject of night terrors and nightmares in children.
By The Daddy Yo Dude
It is a gut sinking feeling every time it happens. Being jarred awake by a horrible scream that is quickly followed by heavy sobbing. I run faster than Forrest Gump could ever dream of to my son’s room. He is sitting up in bed, sweating, sobbing, and scared out of his mind. I want to cry with him. I know what that feeling is like. From childhood and even today, I have suffered with nightmares just like Little Man. As a matter of fact, so has my dad.
Dealing with nightmares and night terrors with my Little Man has been both a test of my super daddy “kiss and make it better” powers, plus my ability to enhance my son’s understanding of what is real and what is not. There have been many nights spent drinking coffee and keeping an eye on his every twitch and whimper as I watch over him like an over-protective hawk.
I always speak from experience when I write a post, so today I wanted to share from my experience, a few words of gray hair causing wisdom on how to deal with nightmares, and how you can help prevent them from occurring quite as often.
How to Help After a Nightmare
Calm is the Key – Remaining as calm as possible when you enter the child’s room is absolutely crucial. Showing signs of worry, anger, or excitement can add to the confusion your child is going through. Talking in a calm, lower volume voice helps them reestablish a since of protection from you, and confirm that they are safe.
Cruise back to reality – I have come to my son’s side many times and he was still not fully awake. The first such time I made a major mistake and tried to snap him awake as quick as possible. This was a major fail. Getting the child awake and alert is also important, but doing so can be tricky. Allow them to wake up gradually from the sound of your voice talking to them or by turning on the lights and covering their face a little. Slow exposure to light can help wake them up without a startle. The calm sound of a parent’s voice is always soothing and a good sound for a child to wake up to after an event like a nightmare.
Try to get the story – After you have been able to calm the child down, try to get the whole story about the nightmare. I have found that many times you might have to rephrase a question to get the desired answer, but in order to be able to help calm them and get them back to sleep, it is crucial to get all of the information you can. The more you know about the nightmare itself, the better off you will be in helping to distinguish dream from reality.
It was just a dream – I think this one can go without too much of an explanation. It is always important to help a child realize that a nightmare is nothing more than a bad dream. This is often times a difficult task, and a process that may take some time. For us, Little Man knows when he wakes up it was a dream, but still has trouble knowing that dreams aren’t real. Be patient, be understanding, and above all, be loving. As a child’s mind develops better cognitive recognition skills, they will be able to better understand dreams and reality. Each child is different therefor the approach is as well. Experiment and see what helps your child the most.
Preventing Nightmares
It is impossible to completely prevent all nightmares. However, there are ways to help limit the triggers that can cause them. Over-stimulation is a key factor. Limit over exposure to TV, video games, and other in-home media that can get a child’s mind racing.
Getting the sillies out before bedtime is always great to help expend any leftover energy. But being too active right at bedtime can have the same over stimulating effects as watching TV and such can. Try setting a certain time to just go crazy with playtime followed by a time to relax and wind down. A good bath with bedtime wash followed by reading time is always a win in our house!
Playing soft music or natural sounds is also a good way to help a child relax and head to dreamland with a head full of good thoughts. There are many great CD’s and digital downloads around the web that can help, including right here on this site! We received a download of “Indigo Dreams” and when it is time for music therapy, it does the trick!
Of course, these tips and tidbits are based on my experience with nightmares and my son. While the advice I have given is pretty standard in the parenting world, take the time to do a little research of your own. Every child is different, and what works for one child might not work for another. If you feel that the severity or frequency of nightmares or night terrors is becoming too concerning, then please talk to your child’s healthcare professional.
John, aka TheDaddyYoDude is the proud dad of two little youngins, Little Man (4) and Little Girl (2). He is also the honored husband to a loving, devoted, and tough as nails (to deal with him) wife. When not cooking or managing at his day job, “The Dude” can be found all over the net writing about his experiences as a dad. Follow along as he is “Slowly Losing it Since 2007” on The DaddyYo Blog, DadRevolution.